catheroominations

katie…yeah, I think I might change my name to katie.

why do we refer to people who have died as “the late so-and-so”? wait as long as you want for these people, but they’re not late. they’re never showing up.

and while I have your attention, where the heck did “so-and-so” come from?

I know I could look these things up, but I am a very busy person.

This week’s Friday miscellany is: DANGEROUS FOOD AND DRINK

GABRIELLE D’ESTREES (1573-99): Mistress of Henry IV of France, who died from eating an ORANGE.

QUINTUS FABIUS MAXIMUS (fl.200BC): the Roman praetor who choked to death on a single goat-hair within a cup of MILK.

COLMAN ITADACH: the “Thirsty Monk” who, in strict observance of the Rule of St Patrick, refused to drink any water whilst working in the fields and died of THIRST.

GEORGE W. BUSH: 43rd President of the United States who, on 13 January 2002, at 5.35pm, lost consciousness for a few seconds after choking on a PRETZEL.

(c) 2003 Ben Schott, Schott’s Food & Drink Miscellany ™
Visit http://www.miscellanies.info

Obscenities Uttered by Jesus Christ.

“Dad damn you.”
“Holy Mom, mother of me.”
“Dad.”
“Myself almighty.”
“Good me.”
“Me, Mom, and Mom’s husband …”
“Me.”

credit: CARA JENNISON AND ANDREW SUTHERLAND

1. thou shalt not drink too much
2. thou shalt mind the steps so thou does not fall down the stairs in high heels
3. thou shalt not upchuck inside a drinking establishment
4. thou shalt not lose thine earrings
5. thou shalt not request that thy friend pull over so thou can hurl on the freeway
6. thou shalt not think thou lost thine keys because thou sit upon them
7. thou shalt not toss thy cookies in thy friend’s car
8. thou shalt not slumber in thy clothing that thou wore out that evening

follow these, my child, and thou shalt remember thy weekend.

virgo: you might be the underdog today, but the goal is to go home with the bone.
heh heh, my horoscope said ‘bone’.

bacchus, or dionysus, or whatever it is you “god of wine” are called I come to you begging for forgiveness. I know not what I did to upset you so, but apparently it was quite awful, given the punishment you inflicted on me saturday night.
I’ll admit that I over-indulged in your sweet nectars, but it was a three-day weekend, and I was celebrating the freedom of our glorious country. is that so wrong? it was all in the name of fun, but you squashed my festivities about halfway through the evening and the concert I attended.
did I take you for granted? was I too greedy with your blessings? I recall raising each glass in a toast, so irreverence cannot be to blame. I even had a designated driver (thank you!), so I was not a danger to myself or to those on the road. why you hatin’ on me, and causing me pain, suffering, and embarassment?
bacchus, I think it’s best if we spend some time apart. I am grounding myself from being with you until I forget how terrible you made me feel.