catheroominations

No cupcake is safe.

Credits: Feisty pocket Ninja from thinkgeek.com. Flippin’ cute cupcake made by the fabulous anapaulaoli at etsy.com.

Today in my continuous quest to change my last name, I took a trip to the Department of Motor Vehicles. And I learned my lesson the last time, when I went to the Social Security Administration Office to get my new card. This time, I had an appointment before I showed up at the office.

And the appointment? It worked like a charm. Fifteen minutes, in and out. Awesome. I even got to take a new picture for my license so I won’t look like I’m 18 anymore.

I had a weird thought though, when the clerk had me press my thumb into the scanner to check my fingerprint. The machine needed a few tries to scan the tiny lines on my thumb. For just an instant, I thought, “Oh, she’s going to tell me my thumbprint doesn’t match the one on file for me. Like someone stole my identity, and my one-of-a-kind thumbprint. I imagined her saying I’m sorry, you’re not Catheroo. I can’t process your license for you.” But then, just like that, it recognized me.

Whew. That was close.

“I know! I was like all, ‘I dunno!’
And you were like all ‘I dunno!’
And I was like all, ‘Wull…shit! I don’t eeeven know! Ohmigod!’”

Today I entered a radio contest online. After I submitted my entry, I was taken to a page that said, “Good luck, Foghead.” But for some reason, my eyes crossed and went all freaky and what I read said “Good, F*ckhead.”

This morning, in a parking lot I saw a guy walking into Starbucks, wearing a too-snug shirt that said “An awkward morning beats a boring night.” He should consider who he is walking with in the morning while wearing that shirt. Because, judging by the mustachioed man he was walking with, I beg to differ. You know how I feel about those things.

I received my first blog toast today. Kathy (we need to talk about how you misspell your name) clinked bottles with me. At 11 am this morning. She was drinking a beer and then going to sleep, like I did last night. But IN THE MORNING. What I didn’t realize is she had just gotten home from her night shift as an oncology nurse. Bless you, Kathy. Despite spelling your name wrong (wink) I have tremendous respect for you and the work you do. If I met you, I would probably want to hug you for all you do. And you would think I was a lunatic, because, “Hello! I just met you, get off me, please!” So, let me just say “Thank you, Nurse Kathy.” (And cheers to you!)

*Yes, I know that is incorrect English. I could care less.**
**That is also incorrect English. The proper way to show apathy is to say “I couldn’t care less” or “I could not care less,” which implies that you care as little as possible about it. As in, you could not care less than you already do. “I could care less” means, well, that you are capable of caring less about it than you do so maybe you do give a little bit of a crap about whatever it is.***
And oh yeah, the word irregardless is stupid. It means regardless, so just let’s all just say regardless, mmkay?
This concludes your grammar lesson for the day.

Who was that masked man?
This morning on the way to the gym (at 5:30 am), a chubby animal waddled across the street in front of my car. Thinking it was someone’s beloved kitty cat*, I slowed down to avoid hitting it. It was a raccoon, headed for the open grate in the curb which, when I was a kid, always thought went out into the ocean. I wondered how he’ll get back out? (*This implies that if I had not thought it was someone’s pet, I would not have slowed down. This is entirely not the case. I love all nearly all furry animals.)

Damn, they sell EVERYTHING at Ikea!
Last night I dreamed (dreamt?) that Matte and I were packing up our things because we were moving. For some reason, our vessel of choice was tall kitchen garbage bags. Our bags were piled and ready to be taken to I don’t know where, except for one, that still needed to be closed with a twist tie. Something in the bag shifted, and Daphne got wide-eyed and curious. I let the bag fall open, and a tiny white mouse came out, followed by another one, and another. I thought “How did those get in there? I didn’t pack them!?” How they got into the bag suddenly became unimportant when I noticed they were wearing Ikea price tags.

So take, take me home
This morning on the way home from the gym, I almost missed my turn. The gym is close to the house where I grew up, and rather than turn left to head to my apartment, I stayed in the right lane, to go straight at the signal. I guess I was high on elliptical-enduced endorphins and I was sub-consciously driving to the house my parents sold years ago. Maybe I was craving some of mom’s chocolate chip waffles?

Oh, and one more thing…
Tomorrow is the first day of spring. And you know what that means. It’s time to get your Peep on.

Jenni tagged me for this meme awhile back and I am just now getting around to doing it.

Rules: Each player of this game starts off with ten weird things, habits or little known facts about themselves. People who get tagged must write in a blog of their own ten weird things, habits or little known facts, as well as state this rule clearly. At the end you must choose six people to be tagged and list their names.

1. I don’t like the Beatles. I know they had much to do with music today, so I feel a little guilty about not liking them. If a Beatles song comes on the radio, I will switch the station. Every time.
2. I can eat an entire bag of chocolate chips in one sitting. This has not been proven, I just am highly confident in myself my ability to inhale a whole bag.
3. I grew up in a TV-watching family and have always been a huge fan of the b00b tube. I was so enamored with TV and the stars I watched on it that I ran away to live with Sonny & Cher when I was little. I didn’t get very far though.
4. I have always thought I am fat. Even when I was anorexic with a big lollipop head, wearing GAP Kids pants, I thought I was fat then too.
5. I have had my identity stolen. Twice. I think the second time it happened was by someone finding something I did not shred and threw in our apartment dumpster. There was an old lady in the complex who would sift through the recycling and I fancied her an innocent victim, tricked by her evil grandchildren who convinced her that she was a vigilante, protecting people like me (from people like them) by removing personal data from our dumpsters.
6. I have never broken a bone or had major surgery.
7. I have been told I resemble Sally Field, Katie Couric, Britney Spears, and Natalie Maines, but really, I’d much prefer to have their paychecks than their looks.
8. I have always wanted to go to the Oscars, and would kill to be a seat filler. If they sat me next to Kevin Spacey, I would need a drool bucket.
9. I think it’s annoying that it is perfectly acceptable to want to have kids, even lots of kids. But if you don’t want any, it’s like you’re a freak. To me, it’s just as much a personal choice not to want children as it is to have them.
10. I don’t have 10 things that are weird about me. (Matte thought up that one.)

Now, who to tag? You. I’m tagging you. If you’re reading this, consider yourself tagged. Go. Do some soul-searching. I’ll be over here eating chocolate chips.