The other day, I needed to know something. And I needed to know the answer RIGHT NOW. I hate to admit this, but I did a Google search to find the answer to this question:
“What is Kenny G’s last name?”
Turns out his last name is GodawfulbadhairhavingsaxplayerwhosellsrecordstowhomIdonotknowbecausehismusicsucksass.
Or, it might be Gorelick.
But his music still sucks.
Oh, RATS! The Department of Health has closed down Serendipity 3 for multiple vomitrocious health code violations. The inspector found mouse droppings, fly infestations, bad sewage, and more than 100 live cockroaches. Maybe Serendipity should have invested more in pest control and less on the gold and diamond bracelet that graces the base of the golden-lined goblet containing 28 different kinds of cocoa in their $25,000 Frrozen Haute Chocolate.
Maybe they should also give me that bracelet since they no longer need it.
I went to Serendipity a couple of years ago. People pack the sidewalk outside the restaurant, waiting for a table. We were there for their famous Frrrozen Hot Chocolate, but when we saw they offered a foot-long hot dog, well, I had to get one of those too. And my friends and I giggled about it. Because it was a full 12 inches. And it was a hot dog. And we are mature.
Sucks. I hate it.
Why must I deal with someone in India to stop my MajorSuckage Word from crashing EVERY SINGLE TIME I START IT? (And by the way, NO, I do NOT want to start in Safe Mode, thankyouverymuch! I want it to work like it did just the other day! Is it that time of the month, MS Word? Why do you have to be a dick?)
We have two perfectly good IT guys on campus. Why can’t one of them take care of it? They’re RIGHT HERE!
The overseas guys get SO irritated when they call me at 6:30 am to resolve my issue and I am not at my desk. Seriously, they SCOLD me if I do not answer the phone. I get messages like “Hi, I’m trying to help you with your issue, but I cannot seem to reach you. I have tried your office phone and your cell phone, but you do not answer my call. Please be available so I can help you because if you are not going to answer my calls, I cannot troubleshoot this for you.” Uhm. How about calling after I wake the hell up at least? Or maybe during business hours, dude? Like the 8 to 5 kind? Maybe you want to check this site to see just what time it is here when you call me.
Just a suggestion.
Asshat.
Those of you who know me personally know that I do not wear shorts. If you have seen me in shorts, it was by accident. I have been to Vegas in July and I didn’t bring shorts. DisneyWorld in late summer? No shorts. I wore them in a race once, but on race day I was the fittest I’d ever been. That lasted one day, until I drank a celebratory keg of beer and bucket of fries. On my honeymoon in Hawaii, I wore shorts because well, I was delirious with the joy of being a newlywed and I wore them in the kayak we rented because a skirt would have been lame. There is no photographic evidence of this short-wearing excursion.
Tonight, at our TNT workout, one of the captains hosted a drawing. All I had to do was bring a printout of my fund raising web page, and I was entered into the contest, to be held after we sweated buckets and pushed our bodies to the limit. Sweet!
At last, it was time for the drawing! (The suspens eis killing you, isn’t it?)
She announced the Third Prize winner, who wasn’t me. They received a TNT water bottle filled with goodies.
The Second Prize winner, who also wasn’t me, won a TNT towel and other goodies.
When she called the name for the Grand Prize (drumroll, please!) it was MY NAME! She called ME! I won! OMG! I won!
A pair of TNT shorts.
I regularly salivate over the display of Safeway Signature soups, so on a recent trip, I stocked up. How can you pass up something called Fajita Chicken Toasted Corn Chowder? My taste buds did a little happy cheer with pompoms and split kicks when I tasted it. Oh, and the Rosemary Chicken and White Bean? I can eat the entire tub in one sitting. I’ve never met a Safeway Signature Soup I didn’t like, so when I saw one called Smokey Cheddar Ale Soup, I thought, “I like cheese! I like beer!” and it was all I could do to keep from drooling all over the sneeze guard.
But you know what? I tried it tonight, and it’s basically melted cheese. A bowl of melted cheese that I guess has some beer in it, but I couldn’t detect any beer in the bowl, just that in my bottle of Sam Adams Light.
So, is cheese soup really something you just eat? Like regular soup? Or do people buy that soup to pour it over macaroni? Or as a dip for tortilla chips? I’m so not understanding the appeal of cheese soup. I considered making a sandwich to go with it, as I love the tomato soup/grilled cheese combo, but what? Using that logic, would I make a tomato sandwich to go with the cheese soup? A tomato sandwich does not sound appetizing to me though, unless it has some bacon and lettuce on it. I guess a crock of cheddar cheese soup would be great for people going low-carb, but who can eat soup without a nice crunchy sourdough roll, or some crackers? I can’t.
So, does anyone have a good use for 2 cups of liquid cheese?
Today, we had an OYO (on your own) run, only I didn’t do it on my own. My two TNT mentors organized a 4 mile run near my neighborhood. Two other newbies form my ‘hood and I ran on one of the local trails with our mentors. This trail is so near my house and all this time I have lived in this city, I had no idea it was there until today. One of the other newbies was telling us that there is no way she could have completed a 4-mile run on her own. I concur, because I totally lose track of time and distance when I have people to talk to. And for once, I am running at a pace where I can keep up my end of a conversation. When I was in bootcamp earlier this year, I was regularly overexerting myself. But now, with these running coaches, I maintain an easy pace and I don’t tire as quickly. I’m also less sore after a run, not having overdone it. Plus, every time I’ve run with the TNT people, I have made new friends. It is SO MUCH FUN. I don’t even mind waking up at 6:30 am on a Sunday morning to go out.
Oh, but today I realized that the half marathon I’m training for falls on SuperBowl Sunday. So, if my toes hold out until February, and I make it to the race, and then the finish line, I will be useless at any SuperBowl party we might host. It’s possible that I might feel invigorated, having completed a 13.1-mile race, but I’m guessing I will be on the couch, covered with bags of ice. Maybe, instead of using a big tub to hold the beers, Matte can just set the beers on top of my ice-covered self. Then I’d be sort of useful.