April 7, 2009

The Biggest Loser Drinking…er…Shrinking Game

Remember the Newhart, Cheers, or Seinfeld drinking games? You watch the show and when a specific event happens, you drink. Sometimes, like if George and Kramer had sex, you’d drink everything in the house. Well this game is exactly like that, but different.
If you watch The Biggest Loser on NBC on Tuesday nights, and you think you never have time to work out, this game is great for you. To make it fit you, I’m only including the number of reps for each exercise. You can choose to focus on upper body(bicep curls, tricep dips, pushups, tricep extensions, chest flyes, etc.), lower body (lunges, squats, hip raises, yadda yadda), abs (crunches, reverse crunches, oblique crunches, bicycles, whatever suits your fancy), or cardio (jumping jacks, jump ropes, butt kickers, and so on) You can make this as easy or as hard as you want. I encourage you to push yourself for maximum benefit. If you’re already exercising and something in the “What they do” column happens, no need to interrupt what you’re doing, just tack it on to the total number of reps. Quite possibly you could be doing 100 crunches at once, if Bob goes berserk twice in one episode.

Don’t worry if you don’t have weights, you can use cans of food, or bottles of water, or (I guess) bottles or cans of beer. You might want to wear shoes for the cardio exercises, if you have any knee, foot, or ankle issues. They’ll provide support to your joints, and could help keep you on your feet, and not on your butt, if you have hardwood floors and are wearing only socks.

During a two-hour show, you could probably get at least a 30-minute workout from this. This idea was inspired by Jillian Michaels because she kicks my butt all over my living room for 30 minutes every morning, and so I feel really guilty just sitting here watching her on TV during the show. It’s like she’s looking at me, calling me lazy. I can’t take it!

If you do the workout during the show, be sure to check back in afterward and let me know how you felt when you were done. And please leave suggestions in the comments. Have fun!

What they do What you do
A man cries (this includes Bob) 10 reps
A woman cries 5 reps
They have a food temptation 25 reps
A contestant has a 2-digit loss at the weigh-in 10 reps
A contestant has a gain at the weigh-in 15 reps
A previous contestant appears 15 reps
Someone says “I’m tired” 10 reps
One of the trainers says “last one!” 20 reps
Product placement (Glad, Extra, Subway, etc.) 15 reps
Someone says “last-chance workout” 16 reps
Jillian yells 30 reps
Bob has a conniption fit 50 reps
The contestants leave the ranch 25 reps
A contestant has a visitor from home 20 reps

February 26, 2008

Daytime television is rotting my brain

I’m at home with a fever today, so I am watching One Tree Hill on SoapNet. Because I love intelligent programming. I have some issues with this show.

1) Are these people really supposed to be in HIGH SCHOOL?
2) And if they are in HIGH SCHOOL, how is it that one couple is married? MARRIED?!? In HIGH SCHOOL? Anyway, the married dude is pissed because his wife left to go on tour with Michelle Branch and some other singer, along with a guy she kissed (oh! the drama!) So the husband is mad (obv), and he throws a keyboard (the musical kind, not the computer kind) at the wall to demolish their wedding photo, and of course it breaks, and shatters everything in its path. He can’t feel better after doing this because now he’s still pissed (even moreso) and he has a huge mess to clean up. And since wifey left him, who’s going to clean up the mess? Yeah. Bet he feels better now. But he does not cry. Because he is a MAN! A 16-year old man! Also, he should have sold his runaway wife’s keyboard on eBay or something so he’d have some money to buy more video games.

And I’m not even going to mention the boy who has a baby and DOES NOT HAVE HEALTH INSURANCE. Was the baby born in the back of Daddy’s Tercel? Doesn’t birthing a baby cost a fortune? More importantly, don’t these kids have parents to teach them how not to be idiots? Or a trust fund of some kind to pay for medical insurance? What kind of teen drama is this anyway? Where’s Dylan McKay when you need him?

Now I am researching this fabulous waste of time by wasting even more time reading IMDB. Apparently, the married couple wed in their junior year. Then the wife bailed for life on the road, and when she returned to reality, they reconciled. Oh, and on the night of high school graduation, they welcomed their first baby. These kids today!

By the way, I thought these kids looked a little old. That’s because the guy playing the keyboard-throwing husband who is a junior in high school is also TWENTY years old. And his brother Nathan, also in high school, is a 24-year old junior in high school. Perhaps Tree Hill, NC should re-assess their faculty or curriculum. I’m terrible at math, but even I can figure out that someone who is 24 and a junior in high school is definitely a taco short of a combination plate.

Wow. I need something more intellectual to occupy my time before my brain turns to oatmeal. Good thing Days of Our Lives starts in 10 minutes. In HD, no less.

November 24, 2007

Is it December 1 yet? Sheesh!

NaBloPoMo bites. If I were not forced to post every day, I might post something insightful. As it is, I am putting up this post just to meet my deadline.

I now give you my latest TV obsessions:

Dexter. Are you not watching this show? What is WRONG with you? I never was attracted to the sweet and gay David Fisher on Six Feet Under (Nate is another story). But when Michael C. Hall plays a serial killer? Damn HOT. For serious. (This does worry me a bit. That I find a killer sexy.)

The Biggest Loser. I’ve said it before and yada yada, but really. These people inspire me. I watch them work their assess off (literally) and it makes me think I can and will complete a half marathon in a few short months.

Grey’s Anatomy. If they could just DO SOMETHING with Meredith. She bugs. And I don’t want Izzy and George sleeping together. But other than that, I love the characters, the story lines, the soundtrack. When they run out of episodes, I will be sad.

How I Met Your Mother. I love this show. The humor is intelligent, and gets away with many dirty jokes. And I love that. I hope they never tell us who Your Mother is, because I love the search.

Project Runway. OMG. Designing something for SJP’s Bitten line? Could they BE more excited? I don’t have a strong favorite, but Spit-marking Elisa bugs. I’m sure she’ll go far in the competition and they are just editing her to be a freak. It makes for better TV. I envy Monique L’huillier’s haircolor. Also? I love Tim Gunn with the heat of a thousand suns. (OK, not like that, but I want him to fix me and the crap in my closet.)

Saturday Night Live. Which is no longer airing on Saturdays, nor is it live these days. The writer’s strike has put the kaibosh on it. If you gave up on this show long ago, go back to it, when/if it returns. They have some excellent writers (now on strike) and never fail to make me laugh. Amy Pohler is my hero and Kristin Wiig kills me with her one-upper character and one of the Two A-Holes.

Damages. I know it’s over for the season but, DUDE. This show is like a feature film every week. The suspense is insane. The way they separate flashbacks from present day is ingenious and gritty and oh so good. Catch it in reruns, or rent DVDs so you’ll be ready for next season. It’s raw and nail-biting and just plain awesome. Glenn Close plays a raging bitch. (What else is new?)

Now I need to go eat some pizza and drink some beer because it’s Saturday.

November 23, 2007

Darn…I wish I could go see Oprah’s show

Because then maybe I’d be given one of these fabulous outfits on her Favorite Things episode.

ugly as sin

Seriously. Are they not fugly? Who would look good in one of these? I would look like a 3 ft 8 inch-tall mushroom, I think. Or a sausage.

November 15, 2007

Oh Daily Show, I love you

August 6, 2007

Happy Anniversary, my love

I canNOT believe I almost let this day go by without notice. How could I be so forgetful? Wow. I’m usually the one who remembers every significant day, every anniversary, birthday, “first-time-I-ever” whatevered. But today, I’ll admit. I forgot. And I am ashamed. Had I not read your sweet “Happy Anniversary” e-mail, this special day might have slipped by like any other.

It seems like we’ve been together forever, but I know that it has only been three (maybe four?) years. I can’t remember life before you. No. That’s a lie. I do remember it. It pretty much sucked. I was missing out on so much before you. You broadened my horizons and taught me to like so many new things that I would never have found without you. From the start, I could turn to when I was lonely, sad, and even when I was bored. Today, you are still, always there for me. Ever faithful and reliable.

I remember when we first met, we spent SO much time together. I loved how you greeted me when I walked through my door after a long day at wotk, the sound of your voice was so inviting and cheerful. We spent many a late night together too, and sometimes I would curse you when I awoke the next morning to go to work. It seemed I was addicted to you, and I know you were turned on too. You were always ready for me. Shoot. I don’t think I could even turn you off. Is that possible?

My sweet, adorable one. Thank you for reminding me (by automated e-mail…so what?) of the day you came into my life. To you I say, “kiss kiss sweet nothing mushy mushy, my little schmoopsie-kins.”

June 13, 2007

It wasn’t TV, it was HBO

And soon, it will be gone from my life. We kept it this long to finish out The Sopranos, but we’re dumping it. We only watch it maybe 2 hours a week, so it’s become one of those high effort, low reward type of things. (The high effort being the outrageous fee for 65 HBO channels with 37 Showtimes thrown in.)

So now, I think I need a dog to entertain me. A dog like this one.

keep reading It wasn’t TV, it was HBO

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