catheroominations

October 27, 2005

scenes from a mall

tonight when I was in the food court at valley fair, I noticed a guy standing near the sushi place. he was passing out samples. well, “passing out” isn’t quite it. he was standing there with a tray, waiting for people to approach him, and while he was doing this, he was picking his nose…with his thumb.

arigato, but I’m not much of a fan of roe on top of my california rolls, let alone boogers.

is it that time of the year again already?

I just read in whitney matheson’s pop candy column that the folks at people magazine are currently all hot and bothered over this year’s sexiest man alive. last year jude law won, and then look what he did! bad jude…spank, spank!

my pick for this year: jon stewart. hands down.

steve carell should be on the list. actually, wouldn’t it be funny if the 40 year-old virgin was the sexiest man alive? steven colbert should show up too somewhere in there. maybe f/x’s denis leary and of course julian macmahon (although he was already in there once). I’m sure the boys from lost will make an appearance again, and probably the new james blond…I mean, bond. oh, and kevin bacon because of his crazy hot sex scene in where the truth lies. for that matter, maybe his co-star colin firth will be there too. vince vaughn for sure, if for no other reason than his purported relationship with jennifer aniston. maybe jon leguizamo for his turn on e.r.? and joaquin phoenix for his role as the man in black?

I am in such a quandary* about this. I so much want to work for people magazine right now.

*I just used the word quandary for the first time ever.

October 26, 2005

I love this kind of stuff

wanna play? go here
alphabetgame

October 25, 2005

word.

bootylicious

MY BUTT is big
and round like the letter c
and ten thousand lunges
have made it rounder
but not smaller
and that’s just fine.
it’s a space heater
for my side of the bed
it’s my ambassador
to those who walk behind me
it’s a border collie
that herds skinny women
away from the best deals
at clothing sales.
my butt is big
and that’s just fine
and those who might scorn it
are invited to kiss it.
just do it.

–the text for a nikewomen.com print ad.

who’s more gravitasish?

stone phillips rocks (pun intended).
watch him duke it out with steven colbert on the premiere of the colbert report here.

pasties are the new black

I had a chest x-ray yesterday, and just before it, the technician gave me these tiny stickers to cover my…er…my “protuberances of mammary glands upon which in the female the lactiferous ducts open and from which milk is drawn”–as merriam-webster would say. the stickers were tiny, with a BB-looking thing in the middle of each, like this:

pastie (see, I put 2 so it’s more authentic)pastie

I thought about asking for a little more protection, and perhaps a different style, like the ones janet jackson has. but I just let it go, and stood there and smiled…yes, for an x-ray. if there’s a camera, I smile at it.

when my rheumatologist showed me the films (which were normal…no, fabulous, by the way), she pointed out two white dots that looked like stars, right where the stickers had been. had I known she’d be looking for the dots, I would have grabbed some extras before posing, to draw the giant dipper or a funny message in dots across myself.

cool pumpkin

I found this one on http://www.extremepumpkins.com.

jack

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