September 26, 2005

a little something from bill maher

And finally, New Rule: America must recall the president. That’s what this country needs. A good, old-fashioned, California-style recall election! Complete with Gary Coleman, porno actresses and action film stars. And just like Schwarzenegger’s predecessor here in California, George Bush is now so unpopular, he must defend his jog against…Russell Crowe. Because at this point, I want a leader who will throw a phone at somebody. In fact, let’s have only phone throwers. Naomi Campbell can be the vice-president!

Now, I kid, but seriously, Mr. President, this job can’t be fun for you anymore. There’s no more money to spend. You used up all of that. You can’t start another war because you also used up the army. And now, darn the luck, the rest of your term has become the Bush family nightmare: helping poor people.

Yeah, listen to your mom. The cupboard’s bare, the credit card’s maxed out, and no one is speaking to you: mission accomplished! Now it’s time to do what you’ve always done best: lose interest and walk away. Like you did with your military service. And the oil company. And the baseball team. It’s time. Time to move on and try the next fantasy job. How about cowboy or spaceman?!

Now, I know what you’re saying. You’re saying that there’s so many other things that you, as president, could involve yourself in…Please don’t. I know, I know, there’s a lot left to do. There’s a war with Venezuela, and eliminating the sales tax on yachts. Turning the space program over to the church. And Social Security to Fannie Mae. Giving embryos the vote. But, sir, none of that is going to happen now. Why? Because you govern like Billy Joel drives. You’ve performed so poorly I’m surprised you haven’t given yourself a medal. You’re a catastrophe that walks like a man.

Herbert Hoover was a shitty president, but even he never conceded an entire metropolis to rising water and snakes.

On your watch, we’ve lost almost all of our allies, the surplus, four airliners, two Trade Centers, a piece of the Pentagon and the City of New Orleans…Maybe you’re just not lucky!

I’m not saying you don’t love this country. I’m just wondering how much worse it could be if you were on the other side. So, yes, God does speak to you, and what he’s saying is, “Take a hint.”

© 2005 Home Box Office, Inc. All Rights Reserved.

September 25, 2005

did will ferrell ever play this guy?

can’t you just see it?

September 23, 2005

the name game

katie…yeah, I think I might change my name to katie.

September 22, 2005

just like tv

let’s say a guy and a girl were kissing good-bye at the door. it would be arrested development-funny if their conversation went like this:

girl: you make it hard to say good-bye
guy: you make it hard

ha ha! that’s funny, huh?

oh no he di’int!

at any rate, we look forward to working with you. lemme put it another way: we look forward to hearing your vision, so we can more better do our job. that’s what I’m tellin’ you.” — president george dubya bush

thanks to jon stewart for bringing this gem to my attention.

September 21, 2005

fun with yahoo! news photos

i’m crushing your head!

gee dub
you get a car! you get a car! you get a car!

simmah dahn nah

don't wanna
i don’t wanna *see* that!

(e) thought of this one–and the 2005 darwin award goes to…

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