September 29, 2005

why did I never know this?

tivo has an instant replay button! duh.

the IRS is as useful as…

…those signs at mcdonalds, printed in large type that say “braille menus available.”

and how come the guy who took my call is named Mr. Poor?

reason #68 why I love arrested development

michael and his father george are discussing george’s involvement with iraq.

michael: they’ve got a picture of you with sadaam hussein!
(cut to photo of george shaking sadaam’s hand, dated 1998. in the photo, sadaam is wearing an apron that says “you take it the way I make it”.)

george: I thought that was the guy who played the soup nazi. I told him how much I like his work…a picture like that, michael could end your career.

michael: not in every case.
(cut to photo of donald rumsfeld, shaking sadaam’s hand, dated 1983.)

September 28, 2005


growing up, I loved these candy bars. but now, I can only make it through about 3/4 of one.

it’s here! it’s here!

look for my picks tomorrow

September 27, 2005

take me out to the ballgame

I went to the a’s game last night with matte and my sister. the a’s played the angels. can you see the black sparkly horns attached to my hat? get it? no, it doesn’t imply horniness, I’m rooting against the angels, so I am a devil. not satanic, just clever.

this is me with matte. isn’t he cute? hands off, he’s mine. don’t make me kick you with my psoriatic arthritic feet. matte is wearing a sweatshirt usually reserved for the packers (he’s a cheesehead), but it doubles nicely as an a’s sweatshirt, dontchya think?

this is me with my sister. we’re pretending to be all devilish and scary and not los angeles angelsish. my sister makes a funny sign to hold up nearly every time she goes to a game. the first time I went to a game with her, she got on the giant screen, holding up her “throw ’em harden fast” sign. the anti-LA angels sign at the last game we went to that said “spank the monkey” didn’t. but last night, the camera dudes dug her “no-angels” sign attached to a pitchfork, and the horns atop her hat. they invited her to come out to the aisle and be onscreen with a dude that was dancing all crazy. so while he danced, she made evil faces and devil fingers, while matte took pictures of the jumbo screen while she was on it.

the a’s lost. they seem to lose when I go to a game. is it me?

a question of time

why is it that on days of our lives, sami sends out save the date cards, for a wedding that’s the next week? don’t you usually do that way before the date of the wedding to let people know to…oh, I don’t know…save the date? but then on the big day, her wedding ceremony lasts a week. even with the interruptions by salem police about a well-known terrorist being loose in salem (who happens to be sami, herself, unbeknownst to everyone in salem), it still shouldn’t take a week.

in another story, belle finds out she’s pregnant and only 6 weeks later, is about 5 months along, and going into early labor. if belle has the kid this early, it’ll magically come out full term, and probably be in kindergarten by christmas. the baby’s father is philip (who recently lost his leg in a land mine blast (thanks to sami, in disguise as the aforementioned terrorist) while serving his marine duties in iraq (before being rescued by his friends, who decided they’d bring him home after the government determined it was too dangerous to try) and learned all about incredible prosthetics and how to live a normal life from heather mills mccartney, who paid a visit to his hospital bed (and only 2 weeks ago got out of his wheelchair and tried his prosthetic leg, and today is walking just fine). whew. still with me?

in the meantime, belle’s mother, marlena has amnesia, yet as she helps belle with premature labor, she has flashbacks of giving birth to belle. could this be the breakthrough we’ve all been waiting for? will marlena pick john black, her husband? or roman brady, her ex-husband she slept with and got pregnant, and the stress from keeping her secret affair and pregnancy caused her to faint, and miscarry, the shock of which caused amnesia? or will marlena pick that creepy doctor north, played by the same actor who played roman brady a long time ago and marlena also has flashbacks of being with him, but he’s been hypnotizing her to pick him.

like counting the sands through the hourglass, these are the things that keep me up at night.

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