catheroominations

Sometimes I’m in the dark about things. I feel like I live under a rock. At such times, it’s good to have friends like Jenni and Sandi who bring vitally important topics to my attention. The news is unsettling and quite disturbing, but I’d rather know than go about my daily business, ignorant to the disaster that is

The mullet.

That’s right. It’s back.

When I think about the mullet, as I am wont to do, I realize that in some parts of the world, it never left. The fine folks at Supercuts can attest to this. The mullet is quite the look in some circles. Many hockey players, backstage crew, and country music stars are fans of the schizophrenic hairstyle.

But what stylist out there still creates the mullet? Does anyone walk into a salon and say “I’d like a mullet please.”? Or perhaps they don’t even know the name for the coiffure they’ve been sporting since the 80s. They request “Just a little off the sides. I’m growing it out in the back,” as they take a seat in the chair, placing their Vuarnets in the front pocket of their Members Only jacket.

Like the mustache, who out there is more attractive with a mullet? Anyone? I dare you to find a hot mulletified guy. Get back to me on that.

Picture the classically handsome Gregory Peck with a mullet. Or Cary Grant. James Dean. Or today’s heartthrobs Brad Pitt, Colin Farrell, or Jude Law. Doesn’t work, does it?

In an attempt to spread mullet awareness, the San Francisco Chronicle published this informative article. After reading it, I now can answer “WWJD?” He’d have a mullet.

I am certain that Yanni and NASCAR are behind all this mustache/mullet mayhem.

hate your job? you ain’t knowin’. you could have it so much worse.

I hereby offer the lyrics to the academy award-winning “it’s hard out here fo’ a pimp.”

you know it’s hard out here for a pimp (you ain’t knowin’)
when he tryin’ to get this money for the rent (you ain’t knowin’)
for the cadillacs and gas money spent (you ain’t knowin’)
because a whole lot of bitches talkin’ sh!t (you ain’t knowin’)
will have a whole lot of bitches talkin’ sh!t (you ain’t knowin’)

[djay]
in my eyes I done seen some crazy thangs in the streets
gotta couple hoes workin’ on the changes for me
but I gotta keep my game tight like kobe on game night
like takin from a ho don’t know no better, I know that ain’t right
done seen people killed, done seen people deal
done seen people live in poverty with no meals
it’s @#$%ed up where I live, but that’s just how it is
it might be new to you, but it’s been like this for years
it’s blood sweat and tears when it come down to this shit
I’m tryin’ to get rich ‘fore I leave up out this bitch
I’m tryin’ to have thangs but it’s hard fo’ a pimp
but I’m prayin and I’m hopin to god I don’t slip, yeah

[chorus]

[djay]
man it seems like I’m duckin’, dodgin’ bullets everyday
niggaz hatin’ on me cause I got hoes on the tray
but I gotta stay paid, gotta stay above water
couldn’t keep up with my hoes, that’s when sh!t got harder
north memphis where I’m from, I’m 7th street bound
where niggaz all the time end up lost and never found
man these girls think we prove thangs, leave a big head
they come hopin’ every night, they don’t end up bein’ dead
wait I got a snow bunny, and a black girl too
you pay the right price and they’ll both do you
that’s the way the game goes, gotta keep it strictly pimpin’
gotta have my hustle tight, makin change off these women, yeah

[chorus]

yo! mtv natalie portman raps! in case you missed the show last night, check out the latest snl short here. yo, natalie portman raps.

updated 3/6: they already pulled it. link is dead.

updated 3/7: nbc has the video here.

recent photos are floating around the internets that depict emma watson drinking beer. emma watson is a mere 15 years old. much too young to be starting to go all paris hilton on us.*

in light of her new partygirl ways, I have come up with some spin-offs to the harry potter franchise.

hermione granger and the sorcerer get stoned

hermione granger and the chamber of secret stash of mum’s and dad’s alcohol

hermione granger and the prisoner of intervention

hermione granger and the goblet of whatever’s on tap

hermione granger and the order of el presidente margarita, blended, no salt

hermione granger and the half-drunk mudblood

and the upcoming 7th installation: hermione granger and the shameful night with he-who-shall-not-be-named

________________

*I do realize the drinking age in england is, like, 14 or something, so technically emma’s not doing anything wrong here. I’m merely commenting on the fact that these pictures have surfaced and seem to be causing such a ruckus.

spongebob is the latest victim. (found via vh-1’s best week ever blog. my daily source for news.)

in case you missed these, well, you’ve been sleeping under a rock. here are some valiant attempts at the phenomenon that’s sweeping the internets. the brokeback mashup:
brokeback lost
the empire brokeback
brokeback to the future
brokeback gump

while reading an article about norm mineta calling britney irresponsible (ya think?) I came across this sentence:

“mineta said children roughly from about age 4 to age 8, as long as they are under 4-feet-9, should be placed in booster seats.”

most of you read that with no reaction. but not I.

I am 3 inches away from a booster seat, people!

oh, except that I am not between ages 4 and 8. whew!

(somewhere in america, friday, february 10, 10 p.m.)

dude 1: yo, that was a @#$%in’ funny ass show, b.
dude 2: yeah, @#$%in’ hilarious when the cousins got married. and when justine bateman almost kissed jason bateman. hot.
dude 1: hot if you’re from appalachia. that’s incest, dawg. now portia is hot. I’d hit that.
dude 2: good luck bro, she likes chicks. ellen degeneres.
dude 1: even better. threesome, dude! hey, check tivo. when’s it on again?
dude 2: it says no upcoming episodes. what the @#$%, yo?
dude 1: aw shit. now I remember. I heard something about it being canceled. moving to cable or some shit.
dude 2: we’re gonna have to pony up some bucks for showtime?
dude 1: I think we have it in the pole dancing fund.
dude 2: you on crack? do. not. touch. the pole dancing fund!
dude 1: well what then? we can’t afford to add showtime. our cable bill is already heinous.
dude 2: I guess we’re hosed then.
dude 1: yeah. sh!t.
dude 2: f#$%in’ a, dude.

what you have just witnessed is a small sample of what will happen in households all over america friday night as arrested development‘s final episode airs. four final episodes, in fact. after this, it’s all gone. except on showtime (if they decide to pick it up). whatever the case, the ratings are too low for fox to continue airing it.

see what you did? you should be ashamed of yourselves.
unless you are a loyal viewer. then you rule. and I feel your pain.