January 18, 2009

Fuzzy math

I’m confused. But with math, I frequently am. You see, Matte and I were recently in Costco looking for healthy alternatives, and we came upon these frozen Kirkland ground sirloin burgers that are only 15% fat. Awesome!

Kirkland burgers 15% fat?
Of course we grabbed a bag, and I immediately turned it over to check the nutritional info. And am I glad I did!
Nutritional info

(Insert cartoonized version of me shaking my head violently, with aoiy-aoiy-aoiy soundtrack) WHAT?!? I almost always got Ds in math, maybe a C here and there, but even I know that a 330-calorie item with twenty-three grams of fat does NOT equal 15% fat. It is 60% fat. And with 25% of its calories coming from saturated fat alone, that’s nearly half a person’s daily allowance!

If something sounds too good to be true, it probably is. So when you see a food product boasting low-fattedness, double-check the nutritional info.

And WTF, Costco?

February 11, 2008


Look what I did on the way to work:


I’m fine, aside from a few aches and pains in my neck and back. My car, as you can see, is not fine, and I will not have it for about 3 weeks.

Until today I’d never caused an accident. I looked down for a minute, while I was in stop and go traffic, and traffic came to a STOP while I was still in GO mode. Unlike most days, I was not drinking hot coffee at the time. I was also not talking on the phone, putting on makeup, eating, texting, or adjusting the radio. I was looking at the dashboard. Or something. I don’t even know what caught my attention and took it from the road, but when I saw how close the monstrous SUV was, I slammed on the brakes and watched my hood crinkle up toward me. And then I said fuck. Which was probably louder than the crash.

The girl I hit was very nice and had the cutest red patent leather Mary Janes I have ever seen. I wanted to tell her that…”So, I’m not going to apologize for hitting you because that’s the last thing I’m supposed to do, but I will say that your shoes are adorable. Please don’t sue me or anything, K?” Seriously though, there were just a few scrapes on her bumper. Thank goodness.

We did all our official business, filed a police report, got a tow to the body shop, and now my car is waiting for a full tear-down to see if it can be fixed. If it can’t be fixed, I’m getting an SUV, dammit.

October 19, 2007

Found on a bottle of Trader Joe’s wine

The aroma is filled with the scent of ripe plums and sweet toasted oak which linger on the pallet and compliment rich, hearty meals.


October 10, 2007

NBC needs proofreaders

How many lives does his kid have?
Is this Shirley MacLaine’s dad? No. Jim here has three kids, each with a life. And now, he is involved in the lives of all three of his kids, also known has “his kids’ lives.”

August 28, 2007

Wanted: Proofreader

Yesterday I received an email with a link to our company newsletter. The email included a call for stories:

“You are welcome to send your comments, news, personal and business travel experiences, and newborn children to

May 2, 2006

Need a job?

job listing

April 11, 2006

I can’t even afford to pay attention.

I just checked the filing status of my tax return.

My federal return? The one for $2? It was rejected by the IRS.


As I clicked around to investigate this snafu, my optimistic self hoped a message would appear on my screen that said “A kind benefactor has generously donated $2 in your honor. Pass GO and collect $200.”

But my version of TurboTax didn’t come with Community Chest or Chance cards.

Alas, I would not get a bye this year after all.

My return was rejected because the carbon entity barcode social security number I entered did not match the one assigned to the name on my tax return.

What? No way.

Couldn’t be. Nuh-uh.




Clearly, I am an Idiot.

Seems I accidentally entered part of (e)’s phone number instead of my SSN. And I had to stare at the mistake for a long time before I saw it.

Hey, I never said I was good with numbers.

Now if you’ll excuse me, My Jessica Simpson CD is skipping on my record player…again.

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