October 27, 2007

Top 10 reasons we will always be DINKs*

10. I am lazy. Much too lazy to get out of bed at 2 am to feed someone.
9. I am selfish. Much too selfish to allow my sleep to be interrupted at 2 am to feed someone.
8. I believe eating a bowl of cereal for dinner is perfectly fine. Every night. Especially if the box has a toucan, rabbit, naval captain, or tiger on the box.
7. I think TV is awesome. And necessary. And there’s no such thing as too much of it. And my child would learn that.
6. Any child I brought into the world would not be pushed to participate in sports, and would therefore be chubby, ridiculed, and eventually fat and lazy when they grew up. And they would cry a lot about that. Even when they’re in their 30s.
5. That tantrum, screaming, and talking back stuff? Not for me.
4. Daphne would hate a baby. Also, she might try to eat it.
3. A product of my and Matte’s love would be much too stunning to look at and would make the other children feel inferior and ordinary.
2. We want to be the cool aunt and uncle who spoil the nephews because we have piles of cash and no one to spend it on.
1. Global warming.

Now, I need to put this on a t-shirt, because some people think that JUST BECAUSE YOU GOT MARRIED you want to have babies. And some of those people are annoyed when you sheepishly say “Oh, I don’t think we’ll have any,” as if it is written down somewhere that we were put on this earth to procreate or something! (Oh, it does say that somewhere? Ooops.)

When people say “just wait until you have kids,” it makes me want to say “OK!”, stop whatever it is I’m doing at the time, and stand perfectly still like a statue. Waiting forever. Because that is how long I would be waiting until I have kids. Sure, most of my friends who are married do have children and I am happy for them. Because that is what they want and my friends have adorable kids, of course, because <sarcasm> I am not friends with ugly people</sarcasm>. It’s about freedom and choice and what is best for the individual. People who want to have kids, do. People who don’t? Don’t. But sometimes they do, and their hearts melt once they see that sweet little face for the first time. I know this. I know I am missing out on the parenthood experience, but I don’t know what I am missing (because it is missing, see?). And I am OK with that.

*Double income, no kids.

19 people have roominated about “Top 10 reasons we will always be DINKs*”

  • HOLY HELL! You have me cracking up at work!
    And I could not agree with you more… once I meet the man of my dreams, have a double income and no kids, I’ll be right there with ya, sister.

    Currently, I am a SINK ; )

  • kimmyk says:

    I don’t blame you for not wanting to bring little people into the world now. I sometimes question what I’ve done with regards to the world and how sad it’s become. But I did and I love my children more than Oh I can’t even put it into words…

    I have several friends who have made the choice not to have children, they have nieces and nephews and they’re lives are full.

    Good for you recognizing this so soon.

    Oh and just so you know-cereal is our favorite dinner. Right up there with french toast.

  • Miz UV says:

    I’m with Kimmyk — had ’em, love ’em, but sheesh this awful world. Good for you to know what you want and not succumb to the pressure.

  • O' Tim says:

    After 13 years of DINKdom, the S.O. (sig. other) and I decided to shit/hop off the fence, etc. and could not be happier. But oh how we endured from others what you describe about “When…?” I mean my MIL was collecting Disney VHS tapes within months of our wedding (the irony is now of course we don’t have a VCR).

    But I will offer you this advice, since we were also avowed DINKs – leave a little spot in your heart for the possibility.

    Oh, I came from Miz UV’s BTW.

  • Schnozz says:

    AMEN! Had I realized what I was getting into, I would have just shacked up. Of course, then everyone would ask when we were getting married. And once you have a kid, everyone asks when the next one is coming. So, yeah. People kind of suck in some ways, is the moral of the story.

    Anyway, good for you for knowing what you want, and I’m right there with you.

  • Jenni says:

    I always knew positively that I wanted kids, so it stands to reason that a person can know they positively do NOT want kids too! As long as you and Matte both feel the same way about it, then there shouldn’t be any problem.

    The endless questions from others are hard and annoying though. I remember people asking me all the time, “When are you going to have kids?” and not knowing that it hurt me each time because I was trying to have kids – it just wasn’t working out for me. People really need to figure out that someone else’s reproductive status and choices are no one’s business but their own.

  • The most important thing is to do what feels right for you and Matte. Period. Next time someone asks you the question, get the squirt bottle out. Works with cats!

  • Saj says:

    People are always saying “They don’t know what they’re missing!” I say, “We don’t know what we’re missing (by not having kids)!”

    I am sad I won’t get a niece or nephew from my dear brother, but I LOVE that I’m the mom of the nephews who will get spoiled with your “piles of cash”! 🙂

    Oh yeah, and my boys LOVE their Uncle Matte and Cathy-girl!

  • Mel says:

    First off I see nothing wrong with your thinking…but I think you and Matte (although I have never met him would be amazing parents. But I have to admit I am jealous of your sleeping in days and lazy afternoons. Either way your amazing people and anyone that has you two in their life directly or indirectly are blessed regardless.

  • Aaaaaannnnnnd this is why I heart you. That whole responsibility crap? Yeah, not for me. I can barely feed myself.

    If anyone EVER says that to me and Boyfriend, I think we might get violent. *shudder* A toast to no children! Childless By Choice!

  • Green says:

    I used to work with a woman who had no kids. She came from a huge family and, her siblings all had kids, and she didn’t want her own. She made sure to tell people that first thing (the best defense is a good offense?).

    I was impressed with her forwardness.

  • Carmi says:

    Wonderfully said. I’ve always hated how people assume you will have kids just because you’re married.

    After we had our son, people would poke my wife’s stomach and comment on when we’d have our next one. It’s almost as if discussions about kids turn people into rude, crude morons who think nothing of offending others.

    I guess they forgot the whole “respect others” thing we learned in kindergarten. Or did they even ATTEND kindergarten?

    My philosophy: we should all be happy with the choices we make in life. Family, employment, living, driving, whatever…if the people around me are happy, then I’m happy, too. Nothing else matters.

    Thank you for saying it like it needed to be said. Can I use this entry on the fridge to quell idiots who come into my house?

  • Sister says:

    I love this list! You should make your own religion up, ‘coz I would follow it. This is some funny, funny shiz!

  • Christine says:

    Aw, come check out my blogs. Kids are not so bad. 😉 You have to believe a woman who has ten of them don’t you?

    God Bless.

  • Denise says:

    I think it’s okay to know you want the child-free path.

  • Alison says:

    It wasn’t until long after I’d had kids that I realized that I had had a choice. (Now, I do not regret having children by any means. But right now they live with their dad, and they are thriving, and so am I.)

    I just grew up thinking I’d get married and have kids because that’s what people “did.” Meh. More power to you if you know what you want. Try to ignore the imbeciles that say idiotic things to you.

  • Amanda says:

    HAHAHA!!!! Yeah, people never believe Jodi and I when we say we aren’t having kids. They’re like “Awww…you’ll change your mind!!!” I get tired of explaining and defending myself. This was refreshing to read ;o) Thank you!

  • Jeff's Place says:

    Here is a book for you guys!!
    I have heard about it and it is getting great reveiws!!


  • Junia says:

    I heard someone say this to you two and believe it or not, I felt for you. Even if you do decide to have a child, the questions or unsolicited advice don’t stop there. After BK was born, it was “when are you going to have another?” “Oh, you can’t just have one”! I was having a tough time deciding whether to have another one, so I resented all the badgering. Then we welcomed Jake, but at times felt people were feeling sorry for me because I didn’t have a girl. So now I get “oh, you HAVE to have the girl!” It’s a no win situation. I respect your decision and you and Beth are the best aunties my kids could ever have!

roominate on this yourself