February 28, 2006

ponderings (crescendo)

who is holding up the process which concludes with my receipt of a fat-ass check? even if said check is not so fat-ass. just send the damn check already!
the hell is holding up my gleeful reception of said check?
when will all this crap be over and said check will arrive in my effing mailbox?
where the eff is my effing check?
why do I still not effing have my emmer effing check?
how the eff is it that this effing check thing is taking so emmer effing long?

whew. I feel better now. just had to get that off my chest. (seeing as my chest can’t really spare anything that might be on it, I probably should have left it alone.)

February 27, 2006

free pancakes for all my readers!


just for being you, I’m treating you all to pancakes at ihop tuesday, february 28. visit your local restaurant from 7 a.m. to 2 p.m. and get a short stack at no charge. bring the kids, your significant other, your parents, the in-laws, the dog! consider it my gift to you.

do you see the benefits of visiting my blog on a daily basis?

happy fat tuesday!

February 24, 2006

in the closet

if I was in the closet, and the closet was this closet, I would stay put.

closet 1

closet 2

February 23, 2006

no one is safe from going brokeback

spongebob is the latest victim. (found via vh-1’s best week ever blog. my daily source for news.)

in case you missed these, well, you’ve been sleeping under a rock. here are some valiant attempts at the phenomenon that’s sweeping the internets. the brokeback mashup:
brokeback lost
the empire brokeback
brokeback to the future
brokeback gump

February 19, 2006

catheroo, a la southpark

last night I dreamed I was a southpark character.
catheroo southpark

I went on many adventures.

I began my day sharing breakfast with a friendbreakfast at tiffanys

then I hung out with the girls

but things went sour when I stole my girlfriend’s manmr. big and catheroo

I felt like such a bitch for betraying my friend. so I spent some time with the queen of bitches

I was able to make it to torino just in time to take the iceskating

famished, I went to see if lyle lovett wanted to go to dinner, but he wasn’t homelyle

I decided to just get a sandwich from rupert at the hello delirupert ghee

I woke up exhausted from my busy day as a cartoon character. so I have spent today being a lazy not-very-live-action version of myself. I caught up on olympic curling, did laundry, read through my cinequest program guide, and indulged in diet dr. pepper and baked cheetos.

southpark yourself here

February 17, 2006

gawd, valentine’s day is so cheesy

last night the boy and I went here:la fondoooh
for valentine’s day. yes, I know the hallmark holiday of love was tuesday. we went to dinner last night because the boy and I are so enamored with each other our celebration of love takes 2 days. or maybe it was because la fondue had a heinously overpriced menu on the 14th.

the 14th did not go unnoticed though. in addition to the walgreens I (heart) you bear that plays “love me tender” when you press its foot, the boy sent me tulips (my favorite) and gave me a gift certificate for a mud wrap at spa. I gave him cheese and rootbeer.

but last night was the gastronomical adventure. la fondue. we had the combination. starting with a yummy salad with lemon tarragon dressing. why they even serve salad, I do not know. neither did our server. you will never leave that place hungry.

after the salad came our appetizer of cheese fondue. we opted for the stinking rose. swiss cheese with wine and garlic. garlic. the gift that keeps on giving. I smell like gilroy right now. we dipped bread, potatoes, broccoli, apples, grapes, carrots, and garlic cloves into the melty pot of dairy deliciosity.


then came the meat. la romantique. raw filet, turkey, and shrimp. yes, you pay to cook your own food at la fondue. our preferred cooking method was punsch, which was spiced red wine with cloves and rosemary. we also had dipping sauces like teriyaki with wasabi, sour cream and chive somethingorother, bbq, mango, and horseradish.


just before the chocolate attack

the boy doesn’t like chocolate much. uh…didn’t like chocolate much. until the dessert fondue came. since I thought it was going to be all for me, I ordered milk chocolate with irish creme. to dip: marshmallows. apples. rice crispie treats. snicker bars. bananas. oranges. pineapple. cream cheese balls rolled in cinnamon. I was in full food coma while he continued to dip, his favorite being the cream cheese (wisconsin boy).

yum doesn’t cover the dessert fondue. @#$%ing yummy as @#$%.

after dinner we went home for hours of hot, passionate…sitting on the couch like puffalumps, both feeling like nicole ritchie must feel after she eats a potato chip.

sorry, earl

apparently mustaches are making a comeback. I hate mustaches. I see a guy with a mustache and I think he is a porn star, a midlife crisis victim corvette driver, smarmy, a used car salesman, a redneck, or a villain. no offense if you have a mustache and do not fall under one of these categories. this is just my opinion. I do know one very nice man with a mustache and he is none of the above.

why is someone with a beard described as bearded, but someone with a mustache is mustachioed. do you pronounce that like the past tense of pistachio? see, another thing that bugs about mustaches.

when I was little, I was afraid of mustaches. my parents had a friend named dennis. he was 6’4″ and had a mustache. a perfectly nice guy. but when he came over, I would run. I would hide. I would cry. I wouldn’t come out until he left.

in 6th grade, my teacher had to take a leave of absence, so we had a substitute. his first name was kermit, which we all found highly amusing. he also had a mustache. I was so afraid of him, I had bad dreams about him that made me not want to go to school anymore.

I hated woolywilly, that game with the hairless face and the the little magnetic ashes you manipulated around to put hair on willy’s face. a really mean trick to play on me would be to make him look like hitler or gabe kotter and then bring it to me and say “look what I made!”

I had a ken doll that came with adhesive facial hair. never, ever would you find my ken mustachioed. my sister may have slapped it on, but only in the event that he was driving barbie’s ‘vette.

my aunt had a boyfriend who was nearly entirely bald, except for, you guessed it, a mustache. he also had a space between his teeth. he wore a thick gold rope chain. and a shirt unbuttoned too low. and polyester wranglers. he bought my aunt some boobs. at family gatherings he would greet me by french-kissing my nose.

yes, I have issues with mustaches.

there are 2 people I can think of who looked good with a mustache. (notice the verb tense.) they are burt reynolds circa 1977, and tom selleck, circa 1980. you may recall that their characters both drove sports cars, not corvettes, but still. for bandit it was a 1977 pontiac firebird trans am, with a t-top. magnum’s transportation was a ferrari 308.

so internets, here is your task: find me a mustachioed man who is hot. clarificaton: who is hot today. or at least doesn’t scare me. in the comments, gimme a name or a link to a photo. let’s see if this man exists.

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