July 15, 2008


The post below was written by an anonymous blogger participating in Blog Share 3.0.. I too have posted an anonymous post…somewhere out there. I enjoyed the opportunity to say whatever I wanted to and not be held accountable. During the last Blog Share, although I did not participate (procrastination gets me every time!) I found a lot of new feeds to add to my Google Reader…thus contributing further to my procrastination.

The post below this one lists all the participating blogs in this go around. Check them out. You might find something you like!

And now, without further ado, a post by…(well now, if I told you it wouldn’t be anonymous, would it?)

Here’s a topic that I LOVE, but never get to blog about (ok, not NEVER, but RARELY, and even then it’s not a good idea): Ex-boyfriends.

Ex-boyfriend observation #1-I think about my exes sometimes, as I think most people do, but I rarely, if ever, picture them thinking about ME. If they do, I wonder what they remember, and what they picture me up to these days.

Ex-boyfriend observation #2-Lately, I have noticed that several of my exes have married girls who are, well, they are the ANTI-ME. Like, they are teachers and church ladies and high maintenance sorority girls and such. What does this MEAN? What I’m AFRAID it means, is that I am not what many guys consider “the kind of girl you marry”. And, okay, fine, that may have been true at certain points in my life, but I’m normal now! Pinky swear! Anyway. It makes me wonder. TELL ME WHAT IT MEANS I’M SORT OF OBSESSING OVER THIS!

Ahem. So, I thought it might be fun to talk about the Key Players, as long as we’re being all anonymous:

Relationship Failure #1: My high school sweetheart. We started dating after he took my BEST FRIEND to prom, while I went with another guy, and we ended up making out on the dance floor. Um. Oops. I was a freshman, and he was a junior. He was my first love, my first sexual experience, my first everything. I loved him like crazy, and our relationship was sweet and wonderful and everything you would hope for in a first love. When he graduated, he joined the Air Force, and I was CRUSHED. We dated long-distance for two more years, until I went off to college, where I broke up with him OVER EMAIL. I feel like shit about that to this day. Years later, when I found out he was getting married, I called him crying, and told him how sorry I was. He said, “Oh, sweetie. I couldn’t wait for you forever!”. Knife. To. Heart. I still have all the cards and letters he gave me in my hope chest at my mother’s house. I haven’t gotten up the nerve to throw them away.

Relationship Failure #2: My long-term college boyfriend. We dated about a year and a half. I was never in love with him, looking back, but he was exactly what I needed at the time. When we met, I was, uh, kind of wild. I was “sowing my oats” OR WHATEVER after dating my high school sweetheart for so long. Anyway, I was going a little off the rails. We met at a bar, and when he asked me out, I thought he was just another guy in line for a hookup or meaningless whatever. But, during our date, we drank and talked for hours and he revealed that he was deeply religious and also was a VIRGIN. Whoa. But, I liked to think that my Type was that I Had No Type, so we continued to date. What I loved about him was that he was a genuine Good Guy and a true gentleman. He adored me, and treated me like a queen, and valued and respected me, and taught me to do the same at a time in my life when I was most definitely not headed down that path. Unfortunately, we had a lot of differences in upbringing and politics and general philosophy, and so we fought a lot. We finally had an amicable break-up, after both of us realized we were never really meant to be together, but I will never forget how he taught me that you can care deeply about someone who is dramatically different from you. The last time I saw him, I was with my new boyfriend, and when they ran into each other at the bar, he said to New BF, “She’s a great girl”. He didn’t have to do that, but that was totally Him.

Relationship Failure #3: My first serious boyfriend after college. I consider him my first Adult Love. I fell hard and fast for him when we met during a week of national training for the company we both worked for (he worked in an office across the country). Three weeks later, he came to visit me, and we spent a whirlwind, this-is-out-of-the-movies week together, from which we emerged officially “dating”. Our relationship is the closest I have ever come to a love-at-first-sight situation, and our chemistry was unbelievable. I adored him and worshipped the ground he walked on, and I had done the long-distance thing before, so I wasn’t worried, in the short-term. We saw each other about every other weekend for nearly a year, taking turns flying back and forth and using up all of our money and vacation time on seeing each other. Our relationship was full of huge ups and downs, since I was miserable when we were apart, and practically high on life when we were together. Also, he was from the NYC area, and when I would visit we would see plays and visit restaurants and hang out in all of the greatest cities along the east coast. It was amazing to a small-town girl like me. Predictably, I was so into him that eventually I started talking about moving to be with him. He was into it, at first, and I went to several job interviews that didn’t pan out, but eventually I noticed he was sort of…NOT into it anymore. Still, when he broke up with me one night over the phone, I was shocked and devastated. And heartbroken. He contacted me recently, after several years had gone by, and apologized for what happened. And admitted that although he is now married, he has never felt about anyone the way he felt about me. Sigh. Thanks? I guess? It’s hard to hear from him, but overall I do appreciate his words, and the validation that I didn’t HALLUCINATE what happened between us.

So! There you have it! I feel much better now! Also, all three of these guys are now married to perfectly wonderful women who are most emphatically Not Me. In fact, I daresay their wives ALL fall into the Anti-Me category. It makes me wonder. It really, really does.

17 people have roominated about “Anonymity”

  • heidikins says:

    Ya know, it sounds like these three had some similarities and some major differences. The argument could then be that you could end up with someone completely different from these three loves. Who knows, maybe that’s the point. (?)

    Great post

  • Pants says:

    My high school boyfriend is married with FIVE KIDS and that freaks me the hell out.

    And I can understand the ex-boyfriends who are now married to women who fall into the Anti-Me category…except for that one guy I dated who married a total whore. No hard feelings! 😉

  • This post was awesome, and really hit close to home. Every ex I’ve ever had has immediately married the next person they were with. It’s a little disconcerting, like I am the kind of girl dudes really like, but can’t love forever.

  • Noelle says:

    I also recently realized that I never wonder what people in my past think about me. Oh would that I could know…

  • citystreams says:

    They all sound like wonderful guys. Maybe you’re looking at this the wrong way. You must be pretty hot to attract the attention of not one, but THREE fabulous men. Maybe they just assumed you were out of their league.

  • Laurel says:

    It sounds like all three of those guys still think fondly on you to me!

  • Jess says:

    Perhaps they’ve married the anti-you in an attempt to get over you! Like, you are so wonderful and amazing that they need to be with someone who doesn’t remind them of you AT ALL! That’s what I’d be telling myself, anyway.

  • 3carnations says:

    I’ve found the anti-me thing to be reassuring. Then there’s closure – “Oh, THAT’S what he was looking for.” If it was just like me, there’s room for regret “I was exactly what he wanted…what went wrong?”

    Although when my ex remarried, a mutual friend showed me the picture with the invitation and said “She looks an awful lot like you!” Whatever. I was remarried with a wonderful son by then. No regrets.

  • lizgwiz says:

    I think more of my exes have ended up with “slightly like me” than “nothing like me.” Frustrating either way, isn’t it? I HATE DATING.

    Great post. 😉

  • Allie says:

    My high school boyfriend is one of my best friends in the entire world, which is weird, but not.

    I’m sorry that your married ex called to tell you he’s never felt for anyone the way he felt for you. That’s not fair at all.

  • -R- says:

    I agree with Allie that it was not fair for ex #3 to say that to you. Besides, if my husband said that to an ex-girlfriend, I would be SO PISSED.

    I think your exes marrying anti-yous means that they have to date the opposite kind of person to get over you. It says something about the ex, not you.

  • I find that exes are like the shoes you loved but were too small. They look awesome and you can picture them with every outfit in your closet–your sassy coffeeshop garb, the killer corporate bitch suit, the sexy vixen. BUT the shoes pinch your feet, chip your toenail polish, and you end up taking them off halfway through the night–sure signs they weren’t meant for you.

  • Great post!

    I have to admit though….I often picture my ex thinking about me. Of course I always picture him thinking “boy, I really screwed up by treating her so bad. She was such a great catch.”

  • Stefanie says:

    That very first point? Ditto for me. For whatever reason, I’m convinced no one I’ve ever dated ever thinks about me. But they must, right? Sometimes? Oh, who knows.

  • courtney says:

    Ah, the trip down ex-boyfriend memory lane. Such fun, yes?

    Maybe these women who married your exes are not as different from you as you think. I bet you share a lot of the same qualities. But I have to agree that it was not cool of Ex #3 to call and say he never felt for anyone the way he felt for you. That’s just wrong.

  • LoriD says:

    You are *so* not anonymous. 🙂

    That really sucks about Ex#3. How are you supposed to respond to that?

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