December 20, 2006

Once upon a time…

This was sent in my Christmas cards:

The Night Before Christmas
(a parody)
© 2003 Catheroo

‘Twas the night before Christmas and at Chez (my lastname)
The two creatures weren’t stirring, those cute balls of fur.
Jasper was snoozing, dreaming in his cat tree.
Daphne was twisted like a feline yogi.

I was nestled, warm and snug in my bed,
While visions of bachelors danced in my head.
(Even without a kerchief or sleeping cap,
I still settled down for a long winter’s nap.)

When all of a sudden, I heard such a loud noise,
I looked out the window and saw hundreds of boys!
And what more with my wondering eyes did I see,
Santa Claus was there, playing matchmaker for me.

After a trip to the mirror to check my hair,
I opened the door to see who was out there.
The moon was so full; the stars shone so bright.
I scanned the crowd. Would I find Mr. Right?

An elf stood by Santa, holding a clipboard.
I knew he was there to help sort through the hoard.
St. Nick had to check before letting me mingle,
He was choosing those who were straight first, then single.

As Santa sent many a-suitor away,
I worried that all of the best ones were gay.
I waited there, grinning like the Cheshire Cat,
From afar, came a beep, and I thought, “what was that?”

The crowd became smaller, quickly dwindling down,
The beep became louder, what a bothersome sound!
At last, one remained, one stood out from the rest.
Santa had done it, he had found me the best.

Anxious and nervous, my heart a-thump-thumping,
“Oh no!” I suddenly realized something.
That beep, that sound that refused to let up,
It meant it was time for me to get up.

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