October 17, 2006

Scenes from a freeway

If I leave my house at a specific time, I always see this little red-haired girl driving a Honda Fit. She is putting on her eye makeup. WHILE SHE IS OPERATING A MOVING VEHICLE. I’ll admit, I have been one to apply the M.A.C. ProLash in my car, but I do it at a red light, and only at a red light. Or at a stop sign. OK, and sometimes when traffic is at a dead standstill. But while I am in motion, operating the heavy machinery known as my Accord, I am all about paying attention to the road. And the person I’m talking to on the phone while I drink my latte of course.

Back to the redhead. You’d think that maybe one day she’d consider getting up a little earlier and doing her makeup while standing still in a stationary enclosure such as a bathroom. Much less likely to be involved in a collision and inflicting pain and injury to others. Could be that she’s got ADD, and has to occupy herself with various distractions while driving. Perhaps it works for her, the multitasking of clutch, shadow, gearshift, liner, gas pedal, and mascara. It’s just not for me.

Yesterday I passed a woman driving on the freeway who had a towel wrapped around her head, like she had just gotten out of the shower. I think she was wearing a robe too. Or a very thick cowl-neck sweater. At least the ladies who drive in curlers make it as far as the style-in-process phase. When I saw the woman bedecked in Wamsutta Egyptian cotton, I thought “maybe she’s taking one of her kids to school?” But there was no kid in the car. Just her. I wondered where she was going in such a hurry, and would she arrive at her destination, keeping the towel on? Or would she pull the towel off to reveal glorious flowing tresses like in old-school shampoo ads? Was she hiding a bad haircut? One would think a hat would be sufficient, and draw much less attention.

Then this morning, I saw a Prius on the road that was labeled as a courtesy vehicle for a local car dealership. The male driver was maneuvering his electric razor all around his face. How courteous of Toyota to offer their customers the use of a razor in their loaner car. If they really cared about their customers, they’d have a barber in the passenger seat.

What’s next? A woman waxing her legs? Someone flossing their teeth? Or clipping their toenails?

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