March 4, 2006

this just in: boys are different than girls

the boy and I watched his dvd of coupling (the british one, not the lame-ass american knock-off). if you haven’t seen an episode, rent the dvds or find it on bbc. (you’re welcome.)

he wanted me to listen intently to the following speech by steve, given at a dinner party thrown by him and his girlfriend susan. steve explains why he watches porn erotica:

“because it’s got naked women in it! look, I like naked women! I’m a bloke! I’m supposed to like them! we’re born like that. we like naked women as soon as we’re pulled out of one. halfway down the birth canal we’re already enjoying the view.

look, it’s the four pillars of the male heterosexual psyche. we like: naked women, stockings, lesbians, and sean connery best as james bond. because that is what being a bloke is. and if you don’t like it, darling, join a film collective.

I want to spend the rest of my life with the woman at the end of the table here. but that does not stop me wanting to see several thousand more naked bottoms before I die. because that’s what being a bloke is. when man invented fire, he didn’t say, “hey, let’s cook!” he said, “great! now we can see naked bottoms in the dark!” as soon as caxton invented the printing press we were using it to make pictures of – hey! naked bottoms. we’ve turned the internet into an enormous international database of…naked bottoms. so, you see, the story of male achievement through the ages, feeble though it may have been, has been the story of our struggle to get a better look at your bottoms. frankly, girls, I’m not so sure how insulted you really ought to be.”

the boy’s reaction to the speech was a raucus applause, similar to the blokes sitting at the dinner table on the tv.

I believe the message was lost on me, completely. I stopped listening at “I want to spend the rest of my life…” as did susan, steve’s girlfriend of two months.

(in case you were wondering, I found steve’s speech online. I didn’t pause. type. pause. type. rewind. type. to post it. I am not that anal.)

roominate on this yourself