October 25, 2005



MY BUTT is big
and round like the letter c
and ten thousand lunges
have made it rounder
but not smaller
and that’s just fine.
it’s a space heater
for my side of the bed
it’s my ambassador
to those who walk behind me
it’s a border collie
that herds skinny women
away from the best deals
at clothing sales.
my butt is big
and that’s just fine
and those who might scorn it
are invited to kiss it.
just do it.

–the text for a print ad.

who’s more gravitasish?

stone phillips rocks (pun intended).
watch him duke it out with steven colbert on the premiere of the colbert report here.

pasties are the new black

I had a chest x-ray yesterday, and just before it, the technician gave me these tiny stickers to cover my…er…my “protuberances of mammary glands upon which in the female the lactiferous ducts open and from which milk is drawn”–as merriam-webster would say. the stickers were tiny, with a BB-looking thing in the middle of each, like this:

pastie (see, I put 2 so it’s more authentic)pastie

I thought about asking for a little more protection, and perhaps a different style, like the ones janet jackson has. but I just let it go, and stood there and smiled…yes, for an x-ray. if there’s a camera, I smile at it.

when my rheumatologist showed me the films (which were normal…no, fabulous, by the way), she pointed out two white dots that looked like stars, right where the stickers had been. had I known she’d be looking for the dots, I would have grabbed some extras before posing, to draw the giant dipper or a funny message in dots across myself.

cool pumpkin

I found this one on


happy birthday is an understatement

read the thirty on thirty post here.