catheroominations

This morning I woke up a little after 5:00 to go have my ass kicked to the first day of bootcamp. It was dark out. And wet. And cold. And most people in their right mind were still in their cozy beds, curled into the fetal position under their toasty down comforters, snoring and dreaming of lovely things. But not I. Because I am insane. But at least I’m not the only one.

I can accept my insanity, but what bugs me is how completely out of shape I have become. The warm-up tired me out. I used to run 10Ks and I can’t make it through a warm-up? I was huffing and puffing, making O’s with my breath in the air. (Actually it was oh sh!ts but huffing the word sh!t doesn’t result in much of a shape in the frigid air.)

My muscle memory needs some ginkgo biloba because my body has forgotten how to run, jump, skip, lunge, and repetitively lift things weighing slightly more than a can of soup. For much of the hour, my parts screamed, “What are you DOING to us? It’s still night-time, right? Why are we even UP? And dammit, woman! Would it have killed you to put on another layer? We’re freezing here! And this ground you’re sitting on while you stretch? It’s WET! Oooh, you’re gonna pay for this one, Missy!”

My wheezing drowned out the voices, mostly. But now, as I sit on the couch, the parts are still yelling. My quads, hamstrings , and calves are pissed off. And my glutes hurt in places I didn’t even know could hurt. You know what? It’d be easier to just tell you what doesn’t hurt.

My eyelashes. Yeah. Those are feeling pretty good right now.

Seriously y’all. I have attention deficit disorder. Ask Matte, who’s sitting next to me on the couch. We’re catching up on week-old shows we recorded on our Comcast DVR. As we watch this show, I am blogging. Because I can’t do just one thing. Even if that one thing requires me to merely lounge on the furniture and vege out. Honestly, I can’t remember the last time I sat and watched a DVD in its entirety, directing my full attention to the screen. Even the surround sound engulfing my entire head isn’t enough to make me put down the laptop. Or magazine. Or Bargain Weddings book.

I can’t do just one thing for any length of time. Well, except sleep. And even that I can do while watching TV.
keep reading I’m doing it! I’m doing it!

I used to have such a cushy schedule. Arrive at 9:30 am or so, take lunch from about 11:30 to 1:30 or so, walk over to the bubble tea place around 3 p.m. for some afternoon refreshment, and go home around 4:59 p.m. Sometimes I wouldn’t get out until 5:05 p.m., if we were really busy. Rough, huh?

Those days are long gone. My current job keeps me much busier, requiring me to put in additional hours (additional to the 4 I used to work every day). Seriously though, I have no power over my strong work ethic and guilty conscience and so must adapt to the grueling schedule.

Take this week for example:
Tuesday night, as I was about to leave the office, one of the big cheeses invited me to join him at a group dinner at Gordon Biersch. I had to sit and drink beer and eat great food and laugh and joke for hours after close of business. That night, I got home around 9 p.m.

Tonight as I was shutting down my laptop, my phone rang. It was an invitation to come down the hall for wine with some folks from HR, legal, marketing, and finance. I’m definitely a team player (although I work for none of those teams), so I had to participate. You see? Even on Fridays I put in the extra hours.

I should be Employee of the Month.

Is Walt Disney World’s Magic Kingdom the happiest place on earth? Matte and I sure think so!

Those of you who read Four Feet More, my friend Jenni’s blog, may know that she and her family are also here at Disney World. I was so happy to learn they’d be here at the same time as we are because I told Jenni long ago that I wanted to witness Vika and Eamon’s first trip to Disneyland. But Disney World is even better! We had plans to meet up with them near Cinderella’s castle around 5 p.m. Since both Matte and Jenni’s husband Jeff are photogs, the plan was to have a little photo shoot at the Rose Garden, with the famous princess’ humble abode as our backdrop. Jeff would take shots of Matte and me, and Matte would take shots of Jenni, Jeff, Vika, and Eamon.

keep reading YES!

I’ve gone and done it again.

I had an ingrown toenail removed today.

Why?

a) Because it was so much fun the first time and I longed to once again feel a 3-inch needle being forced through my foot
b) Because it’s Jenni’s birthday today
c) I wanted to try out my new medical insurance
d) Because if I didn’t, I feared my toe would fall off
e) I want an excuse to wear Birkenstocks to work
f) Shall I go on?

Ugh. I knew it. I knew it! My toe was hurting in a familiar way. Despite my fear of his massive needles, I gathered up the courage to call Dr. Robinson, podiatrist to the not-so-rich and not-so-famous.

I could tell when his nurse looked at Piggie #1 that I was in for torture, but I figured it’d be the same torture I had last time. Nay nay. Apparently I have crazy-ass toenails that want to grow and grow and cover more space than my toe will allow, which is why my big toes always feel like I just stubbed them one minute ago. My right toe? Infected. Dr. Robinson took care of that today, smiley-face to boot. But that’s not all! Along with this, I can look forward to a future procedure, which will be three times the fun! He needs to work on both my big toes, on each side of each nail. He needs to cut them away from the skin, and then he needs to do something to the skin so that my nails will stop hogging so much digital real estate. I don’t recall the exact terminology because I suddenly became deaf when he mentioned gashing my toes 3 more times. When he mentioned something about recovery for this 1-hour procedure being 3 weeks, my hearing miraculously returned.

“BUT I’M GOING TO DISNEYWORLD!”

He decided the more intense procedure could wait until I am back from my vacation. He was worried that the right toe might get worse, so he removed the yucky part of that nail today.

The good news is, I have Darvocet.

I loves me some Darvocet.

Nighty-night…

OMG OMG OMG!

Never ever, EVER have they picked my numbers. As long as I have ever played Lotto, never have I won anything. Whether I do QuickPicks, or choose my own numbers, special to only me, they never pick my numbers.

But today? I had the right numbers!

Yes! It’s true! And during my birthday week too!

I’m so lucky!

keep reading They picked my numbers!!! They picked my numbers!!! I won!

If you know me personally, you might be familiar with how I spend my birthday. For me, it’s not about the day. It’s about the week. This Friday, along with Regis Philbin, Billy Ray Cyrus, Elvis Costello, Sean Connery, and other August 25 babies, I will celebrate the day I came into this world. OK, so maybe Reege & Co. won’t be celebrating my world premiere, but they will be celebrating that day. As should all of you. Because were it not for the momentous occasion of my birth, you would be doing something other than reading this right now. See how I have changed your life? You probably can’t say that about Billy Ray Cyrus, can you?