July 3, 2007

Things I seen*

Today I entered a radio contest online. After I submitted my entry, I was taken to a page that said, “Good luck, Foghead.” But for some reason, my eyes crossed and went all freaky and what I read said “Good, F*ckhead.”

This morning, in a parking lot I saw a guy walking into Starbucks, wearing a too-snug shirt that said “An awkward morning beats a boring night.” He should consider who he is walking with in the morning while wearing that shirt. Because, judging by the mustachioed man he was walking with, I beg to differ. You know how I feel about those things.

I received my first blog toast today. Kathy (we need to talk about how you misspell your name) clinked bottles with me. At 11 am this morning. She was drinking a beer and then going to sleep, like I did last night. But IN THE MORNING. What I didn’t realize is she had just gotten home from her night shift as an oncology nurse. Bless you, Kathy. Despite spelling your name wrong (wink) I have tremendous respect for you and the work you do. If I met you, I would probably want to hug you for all you do. And you would think I was a lunatic, because, “Hello! I just met you, get off me, please!” So, let me just say “Thank you, Nurse Kathy.” (And cheers to you!)

*Yes, I know that is incorrect English. I could care less.**
**That is also incorrect English. The proper way to show apathy is to say “I couldn’t care less” or “I could not care less,” which implies that you care as little as possible about it. As in, you could not care less than you already do. “I could care less” means, well, that you are capable of caring less about it than you do so maybe you do give a little bit of a crap about whatever it is.***
And oh yeah, the word irregardless is stupid. It means regardless, so just let’s all just say regardless, mmkay?
This concludes your grammar lesson for the day.