January 6, 2006

who’s your daddy?

last night I had a dream that I had a baby. not that I physically delivered a baby, but that I was mama to an adopted baby from a foreign country, and I had forgotten about it for months, or it arrived when I was out of town and my folks didn’t tell me about it or something. they were taking care of it for me while I neglected it, ignorantly going about my happy life. at some point they decided it was time I take care of my own kid so they handed him off to me.

in my dream, when I finally realized I had this child (a boy), I also realized I had no baby paraphernalia, like diapers, a crib, clothes…nothing. so during a visit with some friends, I asked if they could loan me some of their old stuff, since they had 2 boys who had outgrown their clothes. they kindly obliged and then snickered while I tried to change the kid’s diaper and couldn’t figure out which was the front, and which was the back.

oddly enough, I instantly bonded with this baby. he was 6 months old and could already talk (convenient, eh?). at one point he said “shutup,” so I had to discipline him, which it killed me to do. so rather than scold him, I told the little tyke that we don’t say “shutup” when other people are around, only when it’s the 2 of us. what a pushover I am.

the kid was huge, like the size of a 2-year old, and was difficult to carry. when I looked at his face, it looked digitized like that freaky dancing baby from ally mcbeal.but I still loved him because he was mine. my biggest problem was how would I explain the existence of this child to the boyfriend. I woke up before I tackled that one, so I guess I’ll never know how that conversation went. my guess is that he’d have dumped me for being so lame to forget I had a kid.

I would love a dream analysis of this one. does it mean I shirk my responsibilities? does it mean I shouldn’t have children? does it mean I’m forgetting something vitally important? what does it say about me?