November 30, 2005

yes, I will watch this


the teams are:
dave coulier/nancy kerrigan
quarters, as my sister calls her, because her nostrils are big enough to hold quarters. nancy gets on the bus, the driver asks for the fee, and she covers the right nostril and blows a quarter out the left, then does the same with the other.
bruce jenner/tai babalonia
hey! these two are both 70s olympians. not fair!
todd bridges/jenni meno
for willis, this beats having to call gary coleman at 1-800-590-cash to pay his rent.
kristy swanson/lloyd eisler
kudos, kristy. you can you can now add ice skating to your resume which includes mannequin 2: on the move and hot shots!.
deborah gibson/kurt browning
wow. this one’s out of the blue. I mean, only in my dreams did I imagine this. I thought it was just a foolish beat of my heart.
jillian barberie/john zimmerman

I would have included these pairs as well:
tonya harding/joey buttafuco
katerina witt/michael jackson
rudy galindo/farrah fawcett
brian boitano/courtney love

my name is cathy, and I’m a pop cult-whore.

today’s song is a goocher

and was inspired by nip/tuck. I was watching dr. christian troy talk to his new client, abby, about what she doesn’t like about herself. abby wanted to be beautiful, to be transformed into a woman who would stand a chance with christian. she said she felt ugly and horselike, and her large butt and thighs made her feel like a clydesdale who should be pulling a sleighful of bud. this made me think “how about some queen for the blog today?” and I uploaded my mp3 while christian wrote all over abby’s body, marking with her own lipstick, the spots that needed work.

he ran out of lipstick.

during abby’s liposuction, the cd liz popped into the bang & olufsen was none other than “fat bottomed girls.” dude!

later in the show, christian had sex with abby, but ony after making her cover her face with a a paper bag. this was just mean and meant to humiliate her because from the position christian was in, he couldn’t see her face anyway.

christian is an absolute a-hole but he gets away with it because he is so freakin’ hot.