catheroominations

5.6 on the Richter scale. Damn thing almost broke our wine glasses!

It was one of those that you hear before you feel, and it lasted a long time. 10 seconds. It started, and seemed to let up and then got strong again. It didn’t feel like a rolling, more like a jerking, like when someone with too fat an ass bumps your chair while you are enjoying your meal in a fine dining establishment.

My sister called from San Francisco (although the epicenter was closer to San Jose) and said (and I quote) “holy f#%k!” She was watching one of her Oakland A’s bobbleheads bobble it’s head off during the quake.

I’ve been through earthquakes before, many times, including the one in 1989 which struck on October 17th…a TUESDAY! In OCTOBER! Coincidence? I don’t think so! AND? AND!!! It happened during the World Series which WOULD have been on tonight at the time of the quake if the Red Sox hadn’t swept it in 4. OOOh! Also, during the 1989 quake? I was sitting on the couch! Watching TV! I am telling you…NOT a coincidence! (Insert Twilight Zone music.)

Below is photographic evidence of the destruction in our apartment:

These guys fell down. Although, it looks like that one dude knocked down the purple lady. Perfect opportunity to steal her purse.

This green man got so scared, he passed out and fell off the shelf. Sadly, he didn’t land feet-first.

This angel was on the top shelf, and fell to the bottom. She is one of a set of 2 called “Sisters”. The two figures’ hands clasp together.

One angel is on the top shelf, but her companion is on the bottom shelf. I don’t know how she flew off one shelf then flew back into the bookcase. Probably being an angel had something to do with it.

Yesterday I received an email with a link to our company newsletter. The email included a call for stories:

“You are welcome to send your comments, news, personal and business travel experiences, and newborn children to name@emailaddress.com“

…but tonight on my way home from work, I spotted a guy in a green Volvo pulling out of the gas station with the pump’s nozzle still attached and the hose dragging behind him. I started to follow him so I could tell him that he had unknowingly left Exxon with a souvenir (an expensive one at that, I’m guessing). Actually, I followed him to capture photographic evidence of his intelligence, but he sped off, perhaps trying to disengage the unwanted stowaway.

Seriously. Dude. I know gas prices are high, but even so, you should still be able to afford to pay attention.

By the way, my lovely readers (all three of you) you only have until Friday to send me virtual birthday presents (see item #5 here). Just a friendly reminder, you know. BECAUSE MY BIRTHDAY IS SATURDAY. Please send jpegs or descriptions of extravagant, thoughtful, cheesy, and fabulous gifts you would like to give me. You can send them to me (catheroo) at gmail dot com. Oh, and so far I received one virtual present that might just take the cake.

Or is it odd and disgusting to hear a woman in the ladies room of a corporate office do a “hochh…patooey” in the sink?

“I know! I was like all, ‘I dunno!’
And you were like all ‘I dunno!’
And I was like all, ‘Wull…shit! I don’t eeeven know! Ohmigod!’”

Yesterday I took a trip downtown to take the first step in changing my last name, a visit to the Social Security office. Once my Social Security card says my new name, I can update my records at work, change my driver’s license information, and get the bank updated. Then I can change my credit cards, memberships, and who knows what else.

I figured the place would be deserted with so many people on family vacations for the 4th plus it was a Friday and most offices are slow on a Friday. I got there right when they opened though, just to be safe. But first, I had to have my purse and body scanned, and find the restroom. I walked into the office at just before 9:10, and saw about 8 people waiting. Not too bad. I walked to the kiosk and grabbed a number in the ‘C’ group. People in the C group had quickies. The C people only needed to change information on their Social Security card, like a name, for instance. Piece of cake, right?

Nope. Thankfully I had my Crackberry with me so I could read my Gmail, blogs, and text my husband.

9:09 am How am I number C300 when they are now serving #C397?
9:21 am Someone is clipping their nails in the Social Security office waiting room! Gross!
9: 32 am Well, there WERE 2 windows open. Now there is just 1. Sigh. I guess 20 minutes of work is enough for a break.
9:58 am Now they are not calling numbers in order, fuckers.
10:01 am I am about to give up.
10:04 am It is a waste of time. There are about 50 people waiting now and ONE window open.
10:08 am They have 7 windows closed.
10:13 am The lady next to me keeps nodding off and her head is hitting my shoulder.
10:21 am Standing room only now. Gotdamn lazy ass government.
10:23 am I’d better get an iPhone when I reach the window for this wait.
10:35 am We are up to three open windows now. But they are still skipping all numbers that start with C. Only calling As and Bs. This is moronic.
10:46 am My turn!
10:59 am I’m officially an E……!

The entire transaction took less than 10 minutes. The clerk was very nice and not grumpy, considering all the grumps he had to help before me. He said my new card (with four names) would arrive in a couple of weeks. But this time, when I sign my card, I will not have a pen of brown ink that smells like chocolate, like I did when I was 12. If my new last name had an i though, I would be so tempted to dot it with a heart.

Next up, the Department of Motor Vehicles! Does the fun ever stop?