This is what happens when you get up at 3 am to make it to Kohl’s for their 4:00 opening.
When I got home from SEVEN AND A HALF HOURS OF SHOPPING, I unpacked my loot and showed Matte the cute Christmas stamps I bought I got at Costco for cheaper than the regular price. I tried to open what I thought was a cardboard-enclosed 5-pack of postage stamps.
Yes, I brought home the piece of cardboard that they have on the merchandise floor that says “Please take this package to the register to purchase.” Well, DUH. Aren’t you supposed to take anything you want to buy to the register to purchase? The cashier was supposed to exchange the cardboard for actual stamps. She didn’t. The person who makes sure you’re not walking out the aircraft hangar-sized door with a 65-inch television you didn’t pay for gladly let me pass with my cardboard, because my receipt showed that I paid $41.75 for it. I’m not one to go stealing cardboard from Costco, you know.
So yeah, maybe I was a moron for coming home with what amounted to $42 worth of nothing, but the cashier AND the door Nazi didn’t seem to notice the mistake either. Perhaps they’d also been up since o’dark thirty?
On a good note, when I went all the way back to Costco on Black Friday to get my stamps, I got a couple more copies of their free cookbook, filled with fattening recipes, some from Paula Deen, like the one with nearly a pound of cheese melted with two pounds of cocktail wieners. I think it’s a dip because there are tortilla chips on the side. Just looking at the photo makes my arteries shrink in fear.