Of course we grabbed a bag, and I immediately turned it over to check the nutritional info. And am I glad I did!

(Insert cartoonized version of me shaking my head violently, with aoiy-aoiy-aoiy soundtrack) WHAT?!? I almost always got Ds in math, maybe a C here and there, but even I know that a 330-calorie item with twenty-three grams of fat does NOT equal 15% fat. It is 60% fat. And with 25% of its calories coming from saturated fat alone, that’s nearly half a person’s daily allowance!

If something sounds too good to be true, it probably is. So when you see a food product boasting low-fattedness, double-check the nutritional info.

And WTF, Costco?

I’m fine, aside from a few aches and pains in my neck and back. My car, as you can see, is not fine, and I will not have it for about 3 weeks.

Until today I’d never caused an accident. I looked down for a minute, while I was in stop and go traffic, and traffic came to a STOP while I was still in GO mode. Unlike most days, I was not drinking hot coffee at the time. I was also not talking on the phone, putting on makeup, eating, texting, or adjusting the radio. I was looking at the dashboard. Or something. I don’t even know what caught my attention and took it from the road, but when I saw how close the monstrous SUV was, I slammed on the brakes and watched my hood crinkle up toward me. And then I said fuck. Which was probably louder than the crash.

The girl I hit was very nice and had the cutest red patent leather Mary Janes I have ever seen. I wanted to tell her that…”So, I’m not going to apologize for hitting you because that’s the last thing I’m supposed to do, but I will say that your shoes are adorable. Please don’t sue me or anything, K?” Seriously though, there were just a few scrapes on her bumper. Thank goodness.

We did all our official business, filed a police report, got a tow to the body shop, and now my car is waiting for a full tear-down to see if it can be fixed. If it can’t be fixed, I’m getting an SUV, dammit.

<sigh>

“You are welcome to send your comments, news, personal and business travel experiences, and newborn children to name@emailaddress.com“

My federal return? The one for $2? It was rejected by the IRS.

REJECTED.

As I clicked around to investigate this snafu, my optimistic self hoped a message would appear on my screen that said “A kind benefactor has generously donated $2 in your honor. Pass GO and collect $200.”

But my version of TurboTax didn’t come with Community Chest or Chance cards.

Alas, I would not get a bye this year after all.

My return was rejected because the carbon entity barcode social security number I entered did not match the one assigned to the name on my tax return.

What? No way.

Couldn’t be. Nuh-uh.

Oh.

Hmmpfh.

Yeah.

Clearly, I am an Idiot.

Seems I accidentally entered part of (e)’s phone number instead of my SSN. And I had to stare at the mistake for a long time before I saw it.

Hey, I never said I was good with numbers.

Now if you’ll excuse me, My Jessica Simpson CD is skipping on my record player…again.