catheroominations

August 31, 2005

la la la

Flower: [about two birds fluttering around] Well! What’s the matter with them?
Thumper: Why are they acting that way?
Friend Owl: Why, don’t you know? They’re twitterpated.
Flower, Bambi, Thumper: Twitterpated?
Friend Owl: Yes. Nearly everybody gets twitterpated in the springtime. For example: You’re walking along, minding your own business. You’re looking neither to the left, nor to the right, when all of a sudden you run smack into a pretty face. Woo-woo! You begin to get weak in the knees. Your head’s in a whirl. And then you feel light as a feather, and before you know it, you’re walking on air. And then you know what? You’re knocked for a loop, and you completely lose your head!
Thumper: Gosh, that’s awful.
Flower: Gee whiz.
Bambi: Terrible!
Friend Owl: And that ain’t all. It could happen to anyone, so you’d better be careful.
[points at Bambi]
Friend Owl: It could happen to you…
[points at Thumper]
Friend Owl: … or you, or even…
[Flower looks at Owl shyly]
Friend Owl: Yes, it could even happen to you!
Thumper: Well, it’s not gonna happen to me.
Bambi: Me neither.
Flower: Me neither.

August 30, 2005

that’s just mean

our mail/printer room has those motion-detector lights because we are very environmentally conscious at my office. more often than not, when I go in there, the lights don’t come on. worse, if they are on, they sometimes go out when I enter the room. now, how is that supposed to make me feel?

today’s mp3…

…is brought to you by my boyfriend. and I don’t mean jeremy piven. 🙂

August 28, 2005

traffic

you know, traffic on our local freeways has really improved lately. see archive.

August 20, 2005

songs that could have my name in the title, but for whatever reason do not

angie by the rolling stones
oh sherry by journey
darling nikki by prince
roxanne by the police
lady by lenny kravitz
rio by duran duran
sunny came home by shawn colvin
layla by eric clapton
billy don’t lose my number by phil collins
jerry was a race car driver by primus

August 19, 2005

random useless information

This week’s Friday miscellany is: DANGEROUS FOOD AND DRINK

GABRIELLE D’ESTREES (1573-99): Mistress of Henry IV of France, who died from eating an ORANGE.

QUINTUS FABIUS MAXIMUS (fl.200BC): the Roman praetor who choked to death on a single goat-hair within a cup of MILK.

COLMAN ITADACH: the “Thirsty Monk” who, in strict observance of the Rule of St Patrick, refused to drink any water whilst working in the fields and died of THIRST.

GEORGE W. BUSH: 43rd President of the United States who, on 13 January 2002, at 5.35pm, lost consciousness for a few seconds after choking on a PRETZEL.

(c) 2003 Ben Schott, Schott’s Food & Drink Miscellany ™
Visit http://www.miscellanies.info

August 18, 2005

run, don’t walk

American Idol auditions are TODAY

Thursday, August 18, 2005
Cow Palace
2600 Geneva Avenue
San Francisco, CA 94014
LINE UP: LINE BEGINS IN FRONT OF THE MAIN DOORS.
NO ONE WILL BE ALLOWED TO LINE UP UNTIL 6:00AM ON AUGUST 17, 2005.
WE WILL PASS OUT WRISTBANDS ON THAT DAY.
ACTUAL AUDITIONS BEGIN ON AUGUST 18.
ALL BAGS SUBJECT TO SEARCH.
EVENT IS RAIN OR SHINE.
PARKING IS FREE BUT NOT AVAILABLE UNTIL AUGUST 17.

tips from catheroo:

1. remember to disclose any previous work on pornographic Web sites. if AI authorities discover that you have posed nude in the past, you could be booted off the show. there is a silver lining though. you could become a correspondent on Entertainment Tonight, where you’ll get to sing your famous song over and over and over. or you could star in American Musical Theatre’s production of Dreamgirls.

2. if you are a guy, and Paula Abdul shows interest in you, sleep with her. you could go far, even if your singing blows. girls, this technique may also work with Randy Jackson and Simon Cowell. not sure which way Ryan Seacrest goes.

3. if you are particularly creepy looking, play up the fact that your father thinks you won’t make it far in the competition. if you’ve got a prior record of domestic abuse, all the better, just explain how much you love your illegitimate child. you will so get sympathy from the voting public.

4. if, during the course of an episode, you suck wax fruit on your song, pay off some interns. they will screw up the voting numbers that appear on the bottom of the screen so you’ll get another chance to sing the following night.

5. can’t sing? play that up. look what it did for William Hung.

good luck!

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